Amy Grant has grown up. For those who remember her as a fresh-faced teenager who took the contemporary Christian music scene by storm, it comes as quite a shock to realize that she's married, has a home of her own, and a little boy, too. She still dances on stage, but she also talks about stretch marks and proudly displays her freezer full of homemade specialties. One can almost imagine Amy throwing a Tupperware party.
       It's not that Amy looks all that different. Her trademark long, curly hair still frames her big, brown eyes. She doesn't have any wrinkles, but she does have the shadows under her eyes that any new mother would recognize. And although she's still as thin as ever despite the new baby, she admits she has to work at it now.
       In fact, Amy works at all areas of her life now. She's no longer the high school girl who "happened" to walk into a recording studio and cut a best-selling album. She can't stand up in front of a teenage audience and just talk about whatever's going on in her life. She weighs each word during an interview - unlike her earlier days when her candor got her in trouble more than once.
       Amy has learned that growing up brings responsibilities, and she's accumulated quite a few. She now has a career to manage, an image to maintain, and a family of her own to nurture. But even more important, Amy knows that nothing about life is all that easy. She's learned she has to work at developing her spiritual life, loving her husband, and being the kind of mom she'd always hoped to be. She knows she's lucky to enjoy fame and fortune, but she also feels the weight of public pressure. "I have to stand up in front of an audience and be what God called me to be for them, without losing Amy in the process," she says.
       Amy's willingness to continue her struggle to be honest on all levels is part of what makes her both a star and a role model to "ordinary" women. She admits that her six-year marriage has been less than perfect and she's open about her need to be accountable to Christian friends.
       The fact that she's had the best-selling Christian album of all time ("Age to Age"), that her "Unguarded" album climbed both the Christian and the pop charts, and that her new album, "Lead Me On," is already heading for the top, seems to have little to do with defining Amy. She'd rather tell you about Matt's new tooth, or an insight she gained from her husband, Gary. Amy's not so much a star as she is a woman you'd erjoy a cup of coffee with; someone with whom you, could exchange recipes and child-, rearing tips. Someone who knows,' what everyday struggles are really, like.
       When Senior Editor Dale Hanson Bourke visited Amy at her Nashville farm, she found a woman who cares deeply about the Lord, her family, and others. She shares her thoughts and struggles in the following interview.

       What have been the high points and the low points in your life?
A definite high point would be having Matt. A couple of songwriting experiences are high points, but I doubt that I'll remember them in ten years. A low point would be when Gary and I went through a rough time in our marriage. But what started out as a low point turned out really well.

       When did this low point occur?
It happened about three years ago. Basically, we ran out of privacy, we ran out of energy, we ran out of everything. We were on tour at the time and had been so busy for the year or two before, that I don't think we really saw what was happening to us. The day after the "Unguarded" tour ended, we called a marriage counselor and asked our families to start praying and fasting for our marriage.

       Was it difficult being on tour and in front of the public so much when you were straggling privately?
When we worked together it was wonderful because Gary and I met as coworkers and we had a great friendship. What we couldn't figure out was how to be husband and wife. He was very relaxed and sometimes irresponsible, and I am real hardheaded.
       It was very subtle, but somewhere along the line we stopped being on each other's team. We just quit sharing our thoughts, stopped being vulnerable, and each developed a secret agenda for getting our emotional needs met. People would say things to Gary like, "It must be great to be married to Amy," and he's so loyal that he'd agree. But I think at some point we just stopped liking each other.

       What made you realize that your marriage was in serious trouble?
We didn't spend our off time together, we didn't talk much, if something funny happened, I'd think of a girlfriend I'd want to talk to about it, not Gary. I guess I'm the one who really packed my emotional bags and although I never really left, I had them sitting by the door all the time. That's a terrible carrot to dangle in front of someone's heart.

       Did you seriously think of walking out?
I remember thinking that somewhere in God's grace and mercy he must have a fresh start for both of us. That's such a terrible thought. I never really considered divorce, but I did think of leaving.

       What kept you from simply separating emotionally, as some couples do? What made you want to work at saving the marriage on all levels?
One thing that I'm driven by is an innate sense of what the quality of life should be for me. It has nothing to do with materialism. It has to do with anticipating something, living it, and remembering it with friends, talking about the experience and the way it makes you feel. It has to do with always pushing the horizon wider.
       When I'm feeling blue, I begin to explore that blue feeling until I'm convinced that nothing is right in the world. When I'm feeling good I cannot believe that people are starving in India.
       There are good and bad sides to any quality, but when Gary and I first married, I still didn't have any emotional roots.

       What do you mean by that?
In the first year of our marriage, if I got depressed I would cry and carry on and believe that the sun wasn't going to come up tomorrow. Gary would say, "It is coming up tomorrow," and I would scream, "Just agree with me. The sun is not coming up tomorrow." I don't know why I was like that, but I know I had a lot of growing up to do.
       Gary was very quiet, so my need to hash things out was unmet. I felt like I was talking to a brick wall when I talked to Gary. I came from a house of five women who were talking all of the time and then I married a man who didn't like to talk very much. I remember that even on our honeymoon I was talking to strangers, just to have a meaningful conversation. Gary's a lone wolf. He needs a lot of time by himself and I'm used to living in Grand Central Station.

       So the problems in your marriage weren't all your fault?
No. Gary was inconsistent at times, and it was hard on him to be married to me. We were two struggling musicians when we met, and then when we got married, I had the first million-selling contemporary Christian album. At a time when he was a new husband and needed to feel confident, suddenly no one could remember his last name. It used to bother me that Gary wasn't really friendly to people, that if someone came up to us, he'd be cold. He didn't want to have a college group meet in our home. Now I realize that Gary was trying to guard our privacy and establish a home for us.

       What did you learn about yourselves through counseling?
One of the things the counselor pointed out to us was how when you go out to a formal dinner you're so aware of your table manners, and being polite and considerate. But if you've gone without eating all day, then come home and are just starving, you grab everything out of the refrigerator and eat it any way you can.
       Marriage is like that. You begin with a lot of kindness and courtesy and then after awhile you can forget your manners with each other. Because Gary and I were in public a lot, we seemed fine, but when we were out of the spotlight we forgot how to act with each other.

       You also came from very different backgrounds, didn't you?
Yes, really different. Gary grew up in a small town in Texas. His father is an Assemblies of God preacher. Gary's really proud of his dad, but as a teenager having a father who's a preacher puts you in a box. It makes you want to be more wild.
       My dad had a safe profession - he's a doctor. My parents weren't real socialites, but I did grow up being exposed to formal dinners and parties, and all of that was a whole new ball game for Gary.
       Our church backgrounds were so different, too. I grew up in the Church of Christ where I was taught about the Lord and the Bible, but didn't learn much about the Holy Spirit. I never heard about spiritual gifts. Gary's church really emphasized the Holy Spirit and gifts. It was a whole new world to me.

       What did you learn from Gary about the Holy Spirit?
Gary and I had been married about three years before I really invited the Holy Spirit in and accepted him. It sounds backward to talk about that now because I had been a Christian for so long and had told kids about Jesus, but I hadn't really understood the Holy Spirit.
       One Sunday night we were at Gary's dad's church and he got up and said that he'd prepared a sermon, but felt led to preach about accepting the Holy Spirit instead. He explained that if Mary, his wife, is working in the kitchen and guests come to the door, she can yell, "Come in," and they'll come in and sit down. But until Mary comes out of the kitchen and welcomes them, she's accepted them, but she hasn't embraced them. He said that we can be the same way about the Holy Spirit.
       At the end of the sermon he asked if anyone wanted to welcome the Holy Spirit. I was at the back of the church with my hand up, and he thought I was just waving at him. Then I went forward and it was very joyful. It's not like anything really dramatic happened that night, but during the next two years things began to happen in my life. It was two years after that experience that Gary and I hit the low point in our marriage and went through counseling.

       Does it seem confusing that once you embraced the Holy Spirit things got worse in your life?
I think I've always been a fairly manipulative person. It's not that I've been cruel, but the same quality that lets me get up in front of an audience and work at it until they have an intimate experience, has its bad side, too.
       I had always orchestrated my spiritual life until I realized that I had to let go and let God do the orchestrating. There's that tricky middle ground when you stop controlling and everything feels like it's falling apart. That's what was happening before Gary and I started counseling and God really took over.

       How long were you in counseling?
Four months. After that, the counselor dismissed us because he said that we had our communication skills back and basically had started out with a great relationship.

       Do you advise other people who are going through tough times to see a counselor?
Oh, yes. Our counselor really helped us develop problem-solving skills so that even when we're going through a heated argument, it may hurt, but we know it's good for us.

       How is your relationship different now?
Gary is more free to be himself now that he knows I'm more settled. He knows I love him, and that helps him be secure enough to reach out to other people.
       For example, last week when we went to church, Gary asked if Matt and I would go in without him and get a seat. I asked him why and he said he was going to stand by the dumpster and wait for a guy he'd met who was having problems. He'd told the guy that he'd wait for him and he could join us for church. I thought, "I'm just crazy about this man."
       Our lifestyle has radically changed in the last two years, too. Gary meets with my brother-in-law every Thursday. They pray together for their families and they fast every week. We joined a Sunday night prayer group of friends, too. And I meet with a girlfriend each week to pray for our families. All of this keeps us accountable. Life is a process and you need to have other people in it with you who can pray for you and observe you.

       What do you love most about Gary?
His steadfastness. He's the most loyal person I've ever met. And his humor has saved me in the worst of times. He's very private, too. He's really my refuge.

       You have been called everything from the Christian version of Madonna to the female Michael Jackson. How would you describe yourself?
As the girl next door. I'm not really a flashy person. I want to be understood. I don't want to be an artist who doesn't communicate.

       Even after your relationship with Gary improved, you had some tough times in your life, didn't you?
Gary and I felt like our relationship was going great, but I got pregnant and had a miscarriage. Then I got pregnant with Matt and went into labor at six and a half months. You think things are turning around and then all of a sudden there's another hard time. I'm sure life is just a process.

       Was it very difficult for you when you miscarried?
I was only two months pregnant at the time. Fortunately, it was such a good time in my relationship with Gary and I felt like I got such good support from him. We were sad and we cried, and I felt empty, but since I'd never had a child before, I didn't really know what I had lost.
       Then I got pregnant with Matt and we didn't tell anyone until I was four months along. We were so excited, but then I began having contractions at six months and I didn't want to hear God say no to me again with this baby.
       The doctors put me in bed and gave me medication, but at seven and a half months I'd only gained eleven pounds. Then the baby dropped and they put me into the hospital. Gary was there with me and after two and a half weeks he began to fast and pray for the baby. He fasted for a week and after that the doctor said I could go home, even though I was supposed to stay for another week or more. I don't care what anyone says, I know it was because Gary fasted that I was able to leave the hospital early. That experience really made me a believer in taking a more aggressive approach to prayer.

       Did the rest of your pregnancy go smoothly? ,br>Yes. By my due date we had already booked a studio and were working on, the next album, because I'd assumed the baby would come early. On a Thursday the doctor asked me if I thought we should go ahead and have the baby that weekend. I was so busy that I forgot to mention it to Gary, but finally that night I told him and he began to pray about it. After awhile he said, "I've been praying about it and I believe we're supposed to have this baby now." He called the hospital and they were booked, but he kept calling and a room opened for the next morning.        I went in and they induced labor and then the baby began showing signs of stress. They did a forceps delivery and found that the cord was wrapped around his neck twice. If we had waited any longer, there might have been a real problem.        All I can say is that it had to be the guidance of the Holy Spirit telling I Gary to go ahead. I wanted to wait another week until we were done recording, but by then it might have been too late.

       So you went right back to work?
I had Matt on Friday and by Monday was back in the studio recording. Matt and I stayed in a little bathroom at the recording studio so I could nurse him while I sang.

       What is the best part of motherhood?
It's a whole different way of being needed. I love pouring my heart into Matt and watching him from afar to see how my love affects him. I want him to think he's the neatest thing that ever crawled on the Earth. I love walking into his room and seeing his face light up. And I like to see him with other people, when he laughs or coos. It makes me feel like he must feel secure and loved.

       Are there areas in which you feel insecure about being a mom?
I know I fall short in many ways. But my mother really prepared me for motherhood. All through my growingup years she was very kind toward me and very honest about who she was. She would apologize if she lost her temper. I didn't grow up believing that mom was superhuman.

       One of the songs on your new album, called "Saved By Love," sounds almost autobiographical. What does it communicate about you?
I guess the song is autobiographical, but it's completely backward. Laura is living a life that I have never tasted. I describe Laura as being a little unenamored with her life and wanting to leave it. But the truth is, maybe I'm a little unenamored with my glamorous life and I'd like to be in Laura's shoes.
       Like Laura, I made a commitment to my husband - in my case, six years ago - but every day I wake up I have to recommit to him. The thing that continually gives me the strength to recommit is the fact that Jesus loves me. That love reaches far and wide, and it's the only thing that saves.

       Do you want to have a large family?
Yes. At least four children.

       How has motherhood changed you?
I've become more relaxed. I used to draw up schedules all of the time. Now I live my life in 15-minute increments. I don't think I care as much about what other people think of me. I want people to like my new album, but it's really important to me to use this album to communicate to Matt about life, justice and injustice, what I do and don't understand about God, how I love Gary, and how I fall short.
       I feel so young, but by the time Matt's my age I'll be a middle-aged woman. Before he was born there was nothing that really marked the calendar in my life. Before I had Matt I used to exercise, but I never thought beyond looking good in my bathing suit for the next summer. Now I exercise to be healthy because I want to be around when I'm 90.

       It sounds like you've grown up.
I don't know when it happened, but I do feel like a grown-up.